The Testosterone Test, or, How Much of a Guy Are You?

This is a test to determine just how much of a stereotypical guy you are. Score one point for each "yes" answer to the following questions, then consult the chart at the bottom. Enjoy!

If no one is around, do you forego kleenex for something more "convenient" (e.g. your shirt sleeve)?
Have you ever used an article of clothing as a dustrag?
--While you were wearing it?
Can you make your own marinades and rubs?
--Without a recipe or mix?
If you were talking to an attractive blind person, would you stare at their chest or butt throughout the entire conversation?
Are you never, ever lost?
Do you believe that warm water is all you need to wash dishes?
When you get up at night to take a tinkle, do you use "sonar" instead of turning on the lights to find the toilet?
Did you mentally correct the previous question to say, "take a piss"?

Is your vehicle taller than you?
Can you perform your own simple maintenance and repairs?
Do you consider washing, waxing, and polishing your vehicle to be an afternoon well spent?
Can just about any food be improved by deep-frying?
Is your utensil drawer a mess?
Is your toolbox perfectly organized?
Do you have at least one picture of half-naked (or completely naked) people on your walls?
Is your porn collection in plain sight?
Would you, without hesitation, be willing to sleep with your best friend of the appropriate sex?
Do you have at least three empty or nearly-empty toilet paper rolls in your bathroom?

Do you own more books by "Uncle John" than by L.M. Montgomery?
Did you, in fact, recognize the name Uncle John but not L.M. Montgomery?
Is the amount of time you spend reading directly affected by the amount of fiber in your diet?
Do you have at least three pick-up lines?
--Do less than half of them work?
Can you name more current players on your favorite sports team than you can Nobel Prize winners?
Do you have both duck tape and WD-40 in your home?
Did you get annoyed that the previous question said "duck tape" instead of "duct tape"?
Is the only thing that you want more than a bed partner, two bed partners?
Did you ever think that Jill overreacted to Tim's projects on Home Improvement?

Do you find Larry the Cable Guy funny?
Do you want to be one of the Duke boys?
Did you initially answer "yes" to the previous question, than hesitate when you realized that you'd be related to Daisy?
Do more explosions make for a better movie?
Is The Blues Brothers the only musical you like?
Think about what you want for a snack. Does the answer involve either cheese or dip?
Have you ever disassembled something, reassembled it perfectly, and had pieces left over?
Does your laundry hamper double as the floor?
Would cleaning and organizing make it harder for you to find things?
Do you have keys whose functions you do not know?

Do you have any tattoos?
Has it been more than two weeks since you bought any kind of fresh produce?
If your TV is off, does that mean there has been a power failure?
Can you name at least three pro wrestlers who currently hold titles?
Do you own at least one gun whose primary purpose is not self-defense?
Do you consider bodily functions to be a form of comedy?
Would you ever engage in physical combat for honor?
Do you believe that kicks and throws are dishonorable fighting tactics?
Do you have clothes (that you still wear) which have significant holes in them?
Have you ever worn any kind of outerwear in public without realizing that it had significant holes in it?

Do you, for reasons other than money or limited selection, have any products of unfinished wood in your house?
Do you consider beer to be nature's most nearly perfect food?
Do you crush cans for fun?
--Against your head?
Have you ever let out a full-throated "YEE-HAW!"?
Have you ever worked out with the specific intention of building muscle?
Do you think cowboys are cool?
Do you own cowboy boots or a cowboy hat?
--Do you wear them in public?
Do you own a motor vehicle with less than four wheels?

Do you own a leather jacket or coat?
Does your casual wardrobe include a sports jersey?
Does your casual wardrobe include anything camouflage?
Do you own any equipment relating to bowling or billiards (e.g. bowling ball or shoes, pool cue, etc.)?
Do you own three or fewer pairs of shoes?
Do you own tools that you have never used?
Have you ever kept a pet that was not a mammal, bird, or fish?
Can you identify and explain the various football formations at a glance (e.g. shotgun)?
Do you enjoy paintball?
Would you ever eat steak for breakfast?

Do you carry a Swiss Army knife?
Can you go to a grocery store and buy only those items that are on your list?
Have you ever (other than for a costume) worn a chain in public that was made of iron or steel?
Can you whittle?
Does food taste better when you kill it yourself?
Have there ever been bloodstains on or inside your vehicle?
Have you ever masturbated in any place other than a private residence?
Have you ever smoked a cigar?
Do you pour ketchup directly over your french fries?
If money was no object, would you install a big-screen TV in front of the toilet?

Have you ever held a remote control in your hand for more than 10 minutes at one time?
Have you ever woken up when someone turned the TV off?
Has a fast-food employee ever recognized you and known what you were going to order?
Do you not own a mop?
Have you ever watched more than two sporting events in one day?
When you go to a restaurant, do you put salt on your food before tasting it?
Have you ever slept in your vehicle?
Do you not use wrapping paper on a gift unless you don't have a box it will fit in?
Have you ever bought a women's magazine (e.g. Cosmopolitan) because of the sexy woman on the cover?
Have you ever played any game whose rules involved drinking (quarters, beer pong, etc.)?

Can you name at least three porn stars?
Have you ever regularly watched Baywatch?
Have you ever built a shed, sunroom, or similar structure?
Have you ever sexually fantasized about a comic book or cartoon character?
Do you absolutely refuse to remove any of your body hair?
Do you own anything made of flannel?
Do you enjoy NASCAR?
Do you own Lava Soap or a similar product?
Have you ever put gravy on three or more items at a single meal?
Have you ever spit in public?

Are you on a first-name basis with any bartenders?
Have you ever toilet-papered a house?
Does the thought of buying tampons embarrass you?
Do you own a boat?
Do you own a trailer?
Have you ever watched bowling on TV?
As a child, did you look forward to playing dodge ball?
Would you refuse to wear anything pink in public?
--In private?
Have you ever eaten a full pound of beef at one sitting?

Have you ever been to a rodeo?
Have you ever been to a monster truck rally?
Have you ever been to a gun show?
Have you ever attended a high school sporting event for which neither you nor your friends, family, etc. attended either of the schools involved (i.e. you went just to watch high school sports?)
Have you ever engaged in a (non-sexual) contest involving bodily functions (peeing for distance, belching the alphabet, etc.)?
Do you consider dogtags to be casual wear?
Do you still own and operate remote-controlled vehicles?
If you won the lottery, would you buy a construction vehicle (bulldozer, steamroller, etc.)?
Has it been more than two weeks since you swept or vacuumed the floors in your house?
Are there questions on this list to which you would refuse to admit answering "No"?

0-15: You go, girl!
16-30: You are absolutely fabulous!
31-45: An otomen in the making
46-60: Man enough to ogle the cheerleaders, not man enough to date them
61-75: I'm picking you first for my team
76-90: Time to shave your back
91-105: The neanderthals would be proud
106-120: Your jockstrap is bigger than your library

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